As developers, we want to reduce fear of our code failing and increase trust in our code working well. Many developers working with JavaScript borrow useful ideas from functional programming and strongly-typed programming languages to reduce fear by transferring trust from developers to tools and the code. Ideas like optional types, functional transformations, and immutability can all help to write better JavaScript. When pulling these ideas together in JavaScript, however, they come with severe trade-offs, work together poorly, and ultimately fail in the goal of effectively transferring trust from developers to code and tools.